Most of us don’t like to discuss money with our partners. Talking about money is hard. So hard, in fact, that a recent study found 42% of people in a long-term relationship are keeping secrets about their finances.
The most common deception: spending more than you fess up to. In the study, 30% admitted to spending more than their partner would be comfortable with and sort of … forgetting to mention it.
Talking about money is critical to staying on track and reaching your financial goals together. And it doesn’t have to be painful. You can actually set regular “money dates” with your partner without the anxiety or the stress.
Here’s how:
Choose the Right Time and Place
Approach the idea of a money date with sensitivity and care. Immediately after a stressful work day or a Sunday evening when the Sunday Scaries are kicking in is probably not an ideal setting.
Pick a time when you both are relaxed and free from distractions. It could be over a quiet dinner at home or a leisurely walk in the park. The key is to create a comfortable environment where you both feel safe to discuss financial matters openly.
Set the Agenda
OK, that doesn’t sound pleasant but hear us out. Having an outline for what you want to cover can help you keep on task, keep it short, and avoid negative emotions building.
Some things to consider:
- Current Financial Situation: Discuss your current financial status as a couple. This includes reviewing your income, expenses, debts, and savings. Take stock of all your financial assets and liabilities to get a clear picture of where you stand financially.
- Short-Term Goals: Identify any short-term financial goals you want to achieve together. These could include building an emergency fund, paying off credit card debt, or saving for an upcoming expense like a vacation or home repair. Discuss how you plan to allocate your resources to accomplish these goals.
- Potential Problems: Worried about a layoff? Is rent going up? Make sure everyone is on the same page.
Practice Active Listening
Money can be a sensitive topic, and it's essential to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Practice active listening by giving your partner your full attention, avoiding interruptions, and validating their feelings and concerns. Remember, the goal is to work together as a team.
Be Transparent
Share your financial goals, challenges, and aspirations openly with your partner. Transparency builds trust and fosters a sense of unity in your financial decisions. Don't be afraid to discuss past mistakes or financial setbacks; use them as learning opportunities to grow together.
Create a Budget Together
If you don’t have a budget, now is the time to create one together. Take the time to review your income, expenses, and savings as a couple. Use this information to create a realistic budget that aligns with your shared goals and values. Be sure to allocate funds for essentials like bills, savings, and discretionary spending because life is also supposed to be fun.
Once you have a budget, check in with each other occasionally and see if it is working.
Set Mutual Goals
Discuss your long-term financial aspirations as a couple and identify goals you want to achieve together. Whether saving for a dream vacation, buying a home, or planning for retirement, having shared objectives can strengthen your bond and motivate you to work towards them collaboratively.
Remember, having goals that don’t always align perfectly is OK. The goal of a money date is to make your money work for the whole team.
Check-in on the Regular
Make your money date a regular occurrence. Schedule monthly time to review your finances, track your progress toward your goals, and adjust your budget as needed.
Regular check-ins help ensure you stay on track and address any issues or concerns before they become larger problems.
Celebrate Your Successes
Finally, remember to celebrate your financial achievements together. Whether reaching a savings milestone, sticking to your budget for a month, or paying off debt, take the time to acknowledge your hard work and commitment to each other's financial well-being.
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